Anger is one of the most common emotions to surface after separating from a narcissist. However, it can be used in remarkable ways to heal from narcissistic abuse. Explore some healthy strategies to help you heal from narcissistic abuse using anger.
Anger=Insight
Believe it or not, anger can be functional. It provides us with a lot of personal insight. Moreover, it often alerts us to injustices as well. To get acquainted with the feeling, allow yourself to truly sit with it and notice all the other feelings that surface as well–one at a time. Make a list of those feelings. Next, begin examining the meaning behind your anger. A valuable opportunity awaits as you begin to know yourself on a deeper level.
Create Boundaries
Narcissists are great at ignoring, pushing, and transgressing our boundaries. Make a list of patterns in all of the different scenarios in which your narc disrespected your boundaries. Use these patterns to establish ground rules first with your narc and then with everyone else. Remember that our boundaries teach others how to treat us.
Use Your Voice
Narcs have a way of silencing their victims. Sometimes this is through overt means like physical coercion and intimidation. However, it may also be quiet and subtle. They may use the power of suggestion, tone, and even facial expressions, thereby compelling you to do their bidding. Nevertheless, the more you use feel angry regarding these manipulative tactics, the more you will be able to defend against them. Choose to speak up and advocate for yourself. This will lead to growth, bravery, and confidence. The more you use your anger to stand firm on your own choices, the more you will be better equipped to thwart the narcissist’s plan to make you subservient to their endless demands.
Resist
Believe it or not, we often talk ourselves out of standing up for ourselves. That’s because a narc can make you feel doubtful, undeserving, selfish and/or too inadequate to accomplish anything for yourself. When they finally leave, we often pick up right where the narc left off in abusing ourselves. Resist the opportunity to continue doing the narc’s dirty work. Remember, these strategies are used to not only silence you, but to keep you enslaved to their demands. Notice when you’re putting yourself down. Choose compassion, empathy, and grace for yourself instead.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Narcissists are great at not only draining their partners financially, but also emotionally and mentally. It can be easy to scold yourself for being used and taken advantage of. Treat yourself or engage in self-care instead. Get counseling. Walk in your favorite park. Draw or paint. Take a well-deserved, mid-day nap or go dancing. Do all of this without worrying about being on the end of narc snark.
Invest In Yourself
Narcissists are great at making you ignore your own needs, feel selfish about needing anything, and draining your energy so that you lack motivation to meet your own needs! Because of that, it is not uncommon to feel angry about the amount of time that a narc flourishes, improves, and grows often to our own self-neglect and diminishment. We can also begin to feel frustrated over how much time they have wasted in our lives. Use this anger to empower you by creating a list of ways you want to invest in yourself. Create a vision board with immediate and future goals and get some accountability partners who will help you remain committed, encouraged, and invested in yourself.
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