The words “trauma bond” are used within the general population without much definition given. Many people know the term, but most neither understand its meaning nor the dynamics. Read on to understand this frequently misused term.
A Clear Explanation of Trauma Bonds
A trauma bond is the attachment or bond that forms and is maintained when a person is drawn to someone else who mirrors a similar or identical dysfunctional and traumatic dynamic from their family of origin. Trauma bonds can occur with lovers, supervisors, friends, neighbors, and even between strangers.
The Significance of Attachment and Bonding
The originators of most trauma bonds are parents and caregivers. They are the first people that we establish a bond and attachment to and within childhood. Parents establish and mirror the perception of ourselves by the way that they respond and interact with us on a daily basis. From them, we develop our self-worth, self-image, and self-esteem. Furthermore, the quality of those interactions is received and absorbed by us a thousand times over. It also becomes imprinted upon us. Then it creates a framework and a model which we use to navigate and interact with the world around us.
Seeking The Impossible
In some cases, it is unlikely that our parents will help us work through the traumas that cause our current issues. With narcissistic parents, an admission of guilt, an apology, the acceptance of responsibility, and a willingness to be held accountable for wrongful actions almost never occurs. These original relationships usually end up unresolved, unfulfilling, unforgiven, unforgettable and extremely troublesome to adult children. Unfortunately, unfinished business results from these broken and troublesome relationships.
The Hunt
As adults, we become obsessed with resolving and/or healing our parent relationships. Whether we are aware and/or care to admit it, we duplicate the original relationship and its brokenness over and over again. We often search for someone else who resembles the familiar likeness of our parent-child attachment and dynamic. This perpetuates an attraction and /or strong draw to people who become our parent substitutes. Then we attempt to resolve the original trauma with that prospective partner.
The Pattern of Familiarity
Unbeknownst to us, the parent substitute that we attract has that same purpose in mind for us. Furthermore, because neither partner is willing to read the appropriate lines from their partner’s biography or life’s manuscript, more problems occur. The death spiral, also known as a trauma bond ensues indefinitely if that is what one chooses! In order to break a trauma bond, you must return to the original trauma and heal the root of the problem. The good news is that trauma bonds can be broken. Find a great therapist who is well versed on trauma bonds and narcissism to begin your journey to healing today.
Want to learn more? Check it out! The Surprising Reasons You Attract Narcissists Part 1 – Embrace Life Consulting & Wellness (embracelifeconsultingwellnessinc.com)
Cool resources to help in your healing.
Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse,… by Hill, Linda (amazon.com)
