Get Heard Now! Resolve Problems in Three Steps Part 2

Arguments almost never start for the sake of arguing. There is nothing wrong with arguing. Most couples struggle with how to arrive at a solution. Utilize the third step to help you and your partner move forward in discussions.

Create A Plan

Create written rules for engagement: This is a written or typed document that you and your partner both create and agree upon. Stated are rules or strategies that you believe would best help not only resolve your conflict, but also maintain a sense of synergy, reciprocity, and goodwill towards each other. Refrain from creating rules that focus on forcefully controlling one person’s behavior or that seek to make anyone feel bad, ashamed, or guilty. These rules should maintain a sense of fairness or balance. They should reinforce an open mind. Together, your rules should encourage compromise, collaboration, and cooperation. The examples below are purely met as a schema or a foundation to get started. Every couple is different therefore the rules of engagement you create with your partner should be personalized to your relationship and conflict patterns. After you agree on the rules, both parties should sign and date it. Furthermore, each party should make a copy of these shared rules of engagement and have them on hand when a conflict arises. Here are some plausible rules to help you two create your own list.

1. No yelling, screaming or name calling
2. Stay on topic and/or discuss only one topic at a time.
3. Limit responses to a two minute minimum
4. Refuse to vilify the other person.
5. Keep an open mind.
6. Be aware of your own triggers as soon as possible. Communicate them and make it your responsibility, not your partner’s to take care of them for yourself in the moment.
7. Take breaks when necessary or when one person offers it.
8. Don’t bring other people into your discussions to referee or judge unless it is a professional.
9. Be aware of any physical needs like the need to eat, sleep, rest, or use the bathroom. Again, take responsibility for meeting your own needs and act accordingly.

Happy Fighting!

Missed the first part of this blog? Click here to access it: Get Heard Now! Resolve Problems in Three Steps! Part 1 – Embrace Life Consulting & Wellness (embracelifeconsultingwellnessinc.com)

Want to continue to build on your relationship. Check out this awesome resource.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert: Gottman PhD, John, Silver, Nan: 9780553447712: Amazon.com: Books