Still curious about the secret life of a covert narcissistic male?
Into Adulthood, We Go!
Over time, he will commit this “sin” and others that his mom condemned, not because he is bad and/or deeply flawed, but because he is a human that just happens to be a male. Moreover, he will hide this part of his maleness from his mother since he learned early on that his mom’s love was conditional. Committing any of these “manly sins” would be meant with ridicule and scorn. Furthermore, emotional or physical abandonment would be inevitable. The latter being something he will live in fear of for the rest of his life–first from his mom and then from others, if found out! Therefore, he will adopt a “get/abandon them before they can get/abandon me,” mindset.
This precious son will develop into a man who never learns to accept himself as is, flaws and all. Moreover, because he cannot see himself as good, he will never believe that others can fully love and accept him unconditionally as well. Over time, not only does he become emotionally and mentally tormented by it, but he will also store up a huge amount of anger at the person he believes originated this torture–his mother. Since he finds himself powerless to make his mother pay, he will prey on and find other substitutes to take her place which will ultimately be his wife, partner, or any other female that he can prey upon and use. He will be charismatic, kind, considerate, witty, and empathic. He will not display overtly toxic male behaviors. If he has money, he will use whatever financial resources he has to stage the most dramatic and elaborate theatrics ever known to man. She will walk away thinking that she’s finally met THE ONE because he’s such “a nice guy.”
Recognizing The Covert Narcissist In Your Life
A covert narcissist may stare at you quite frequently and/or pretend to be aloof. Whether at work or in a relationship, they will play victim and especially when talking about their previous relationships, nothing will ever be their fault. A covert narcissist will ask you question after question seemingly interested in your whole life. You will walk away thinking you had this great conversation with someone who really knows how to listen. In actuality, all you really did was provide the covert narcissist with a roadmap to all your insecurities, inadequacies, traumas, and your worst fears. In essence, you will give them the keys to your kryptonite. The only thing you will ever know about the covert narcissist is what they want you to know. Facts, truths, and anything else that might serve to make them look bad will be omitted. Yet on occasion, they will tell some part of the truth if they can draw empathy from it. It will go something like “well I suppose my biggest mistake was trying to give her everything possible to make her happy. I guess that’s probably where I need to learn how to have better boundaries. That’s something that I have to work on.”
Lastly, because the covert narcissist never tells anyone the truth about who they are, they never ever become attached to any one person. Every person is a pawn to be used. Anyone who wants to be used is considered a flying monkey like in the Wizard of Oz. Flying monkeys carry out specific deeds for the narcissist. They range from idolization and ego support to regurgitating the lies that the covert narcissist prevaricates. With that being said, the prevarication is usually in relation to someone that the covert narcissist feels woefully inadequate to in comparison. In fact, the persons that the covert narcissist goes out of their way to campaign smear the most are 1). someone that actually knows the truth regarding the nefariousness of the covert narcissist; 2) a person that draws out the insecurities and inadequacies of the covert narcissist; 3). someone that the covert narcissist feels threatened by in some other real or artificial way.
In short, the covert narcissist is always worried about being discovered or “found out.” Now that you know some of their secrets, maybe this will help in developing empathy towards them–or not!
Missed Part 1? Click here:
– Secrets of the Covert Narcissistic Male: Part 1 – Embrace Life Consulting & Wellness
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