Ever wonder why your narcissistic partner is mean even when you’re being nice? Check out the top three reasons why your narcissist behaves in this manner, and enjoy three foolproof ways to counter it.
You’re Not the Boss of Me!
When a narcissist perceives that their authority has been undermined, questioned, or usurped, it can make them feel powerless. If you choose to be the first person to be nice, a narcissist will respond with more anger, passive aggression, or behave coldly. They want you to feel powerless over changing their mood, their mind, their treatment of you, or the tension in your relationship.
Advice #1: It’s their feeling so it’s their problem. Don’t be the first to approach a narcissist. Let them come to you first after they’ve thawed out.
Dance Puppet! Dance!
One thing a narcissist will never admit to is how much control and influence their loved ones really do hold over them. To appear detached and unbothered by whatever you’re being blamed for this time, a narcissist behaves coldly or respond with passive aggression to get a rise out of you. He or she becomes fully entertained if you begin to cry, explode in rage, or sulk and pout.
Advice#2: Don’t respond to the narcissist’s shenanigans. Act indifferent. If attention is the name of the game, then ignore, ignore, ignore.
Projection! Projection! Projection!
The last reason a narcissist chooses to behave angrily toward you when you’re being nice is to assuage his/her own shame, inadequacy, powerlessness, and guilt. Known as SIP-G, these feelings provide narcissists with zero rests to his/her psyche. Aside from the constant fear of abandonment, a narcissist will do anything to avoid these feelings, but they will especially project their feelings onto you by doing something to make you feel the same way you’ve made them feel.
Advice #3: Treat the narcissist’s projections as confirmations or windows into their psyche–and be entertained. Then utilize advice 1 and/or 2.
In essence, when a narcissist is mean to you, don’t get even, get happy! It will drive a narcissist nuts!
Got a problem with a narcissist that you’d like to resolve? Request a consultation!
For excellent books on healing from narcissists, I recommend:
Amazon.com : adult children of emotionally immature parents
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of… by Bancroft, Lundy (amazon.com)
