After couples engage in disagreements, they usually look forward to making up and moving forward. While the act of re-engagement looks different for everyone, sometimes a man’s way of making up and moving forward can be mystifying. Learn how to empower your relationship by understanding what his silence means after an argument.
Secret#1: He Has an Aversion to Confrontation
Although men can be very aggressive, antagonistic, and argumentative, most men will never admit that they hate confrontation. Not only do they hate it, but also, they will do anything to avoid it. This most often stems from having negative experiences that originate from childhood. Arguments in childhood may have been pre-cursors to domestic violence, abandonment, or it may have resulted in other adverse outcomes.
Secret #2: He is Feeling Overwhelmed or Hurt
Men were not raised to express their feelings; they were raised to act upon those feelings. Communicating feelings of hurt, sadness, inadequacy, shame, guilt, fear or even powerlessness can be overwhelming to a man. Men are often socialized to see the expression of these feelings as a sign of weakness. Therefore, there are times when he may choose to remain silent so that he doesn’t have to confront these unpleasant feelings. He may also refrain from communicating the aforementioned emotions because his significant other was reckless whenever he communicated his feelings.
Secret #3: He needs time to process
No matter how quick his rebuttals are in an argument, formulating a resolution may take a little longer. In fact, it could take days or weeks for him to process the issue, formulate a solution, and then create a plan to execute. Give your significant other space and time to process what is in his mind. Your mission is to create an open, safe, and positive environment to encourage honesty, transparency, and self-disclosure when he is ready to open up. That brings us to our fourth secret.
Secret #4: Past Behaviors Often Dictate Future Responses
Not only will your past reactions to him, dictate how he might proceed with you in the future, but you may be shaping and reinforcing the undesirable behavior of silence without knowing it. The more confrontational and negative his interaction is with you when he attempts to communication, the less he will feel motivated to attempt it again. We repeat behaviors that are rewarding and pleasurable. We extinguish or get rid of behaviors that we find punishing. What this means is that the power of whether or not he chooses to open up to you ever again, sometimes rests solely with you in how you respond.
Secret #5: A Fresh Start Equals a New Opportunity
Everyone wants a clean slate. Secretly, your man may be hoping that by not rehashing a problem, he will gain a fresh start with you. What most men will leave unsaid is that he knows he’s messed up, but he’d really like to have another opportunity to self-correct. It has been said “tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it.” Let your man start over and see where the day takes you both.
Ready to digest the Part II of this blog? Click here: Empower Your Relationship: Understand What His Silence Is Really About – Embrace Life Consulting & Wellness (embracelifeconsultingwellnessinc.com)
