Navigating the termination of a relationship can be tricky at best. Most people experience a great deal of worry, self-doubt, and guilt especially if they decide to initiate the end. Therefore, it is not uncommon for people to ask themselves “how do I know when enough is enough? Here are some signs that it is time to choose yourself and your future.
Their Behavior
Many relationships begin to have problems based on behaviors that we perceive as adverse and/or maladaptive. Nevertheless, it’s time to quit if you find that your partner’s behavior:
- Doesn’t improve or change no matter how many conversations you have with the person.
- Ends with you feeling blamed, shame, or guilt for something that you did not directly cause.
- Never leaves room for compromise or collaboration with you or other individuals like your children/family members.
- leads to divisiveness and is unrelenting, and immovable. In essence, it’s their way or the highway.
- Is manipulative or becomes heavily focused on campaign smearing your character to other neutral parties in hopes of getting others on their “side.”
- Is situation based, erratic, inconsistent and/or irregular. This is where bad behavior magically transforms into good behavior in certain circumstances. The tell-tale sign is that the bad behavior resurfaces as soon as you two return home and/or are hidden out of the line of public view.
- Becomes abusive, violent, revengeful, reckless, negligent, careless, or perverse.
- Often triangulates other unsuspecting individuals like family members, children, friends, or even an affair partner into your relationship.
- Can be very controlling, dictatorial, and overly vocal regarding your appearance, job, and who you interact with.
- Has spiraled into heavy and severe addiction that goes beyond their ability to control.
- Becomes expensive and costly which negatively impacts your finances, means of living, credit score, etc.
- Remains callous, careless, cold, stoic, demeaning, degrading, embarrassing, and unmoved no matter how much it hurts you or further deteriorates your relationship.
Your Behavior
Sometimes people blame their partners for not conforming to their own wishes, expectations or standards. This means that the person cannot recognize when the real issue is actually them and not so much the other person. Although it can be very painful, it’s time for you to make your exit when you:
- Begin compromising your own beliefs and values in a way that no longer honors who you are or hinders your ability to feel positive about yourself.
- Feel compelled to always act in order to clear your name or do damage control.
- Become co-dependent. You find yourself being overly focused on getting the other person to change so that YOU can be happy.
- Expend the most energy in trying to find resolution to fix the problem while they maintain that there aren’t any problems at all to resolve.
- Consistently either claim to be perfect or minimize your own behavior.
- Compare your behavior to your partner’s but deem his/her behavior to be much worse.
- Find yourself constantly second guessing your own gut or natural intuition.
- Use statements like “if you really loved, cared, or were interested in me and truly wanted us to be together, then you would . . .” to coerce your partner into changing.
- Imagine telling a best friend or close family member in your same predicament to leave.
- Lose or have lost more than you have gained.
- Ruminate on who this person used to be and are still trying to find “the good” in this person.
- Find yourself trying to force a person to fit your plan, mold, or way of being instead of accepting them as is.
- Notice your mental and or physical health are negatively impacted, have just acquired a new STD, or noted an increase in self-harm or suicidal ideation
- No longer have the energy to be productive at work. This would be what Beyonce refers to as someone “interrupting your grinding.”
- Further isolate yourself from friends and family members because you feel too ashamed, afraid, etc. to reach out for help.
The End of The Road
Life is too short to spend it looking backwards. It is and will always be meant to propel us forward. The more time that you spend repairing a broken relationship, the less time, energy, and motivation you will have to actualize your own dreams and wish fulfillment. Moreover, forcing someone else to be their “better selves” will not yield you nearly as much fruit as if you exert the same amount of energy towards yourself. Now, enough is enough. Go get what’s yours!
Want to read more? Check out this blog: The Surprising Reasons You Attract Narcissists Part 1 – Embrace Life Consulting & Wellness (embracelifeconsultingwellnessinc.com)