In Part 1, we discovered the foundation of how miscommunication occurs with others. Listed below are some helpful strategies for maximizing your communication and strengthening the quality of your relationship in general.
Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.
- Slowly, take 1-2 deep breaths before communicating your response. The best way to refrain from becoming overwhelmed with a bout of emotion is to take a couple of deep breaths. This helps to introduce more oxygen into your cells, blood vessels, brain, and your body in general. Furthermore, it will also help calm your parasympathetic nervous system. The latter is known for housing and activating your flight/fight/freeze/fawn response. Since breathing comes naturally, it will definitely help you avoid sending signs to the receiver that you’re feeling slightly annoyed about their request.
Take It At Face Value
- When your partner is communicating with you, ff there are no other explanations, innuendos, or outright grudges, don’t go there. Save you and your partner from a meltdown, fight, or a night of the silent treatment by refusing to add more meaning to the speaker’s message than what they’ve voiced.
Say It Aloud
- Repeat what the speaker said out loud using third person. Using the earlier example, your first response would simply be a reiteration of what they just said. Therefore, you’d respond with, “You’d like for me to help you fold the duvet.” Short and sweet. Nothing less. Avoid ranting about the comment your in-law just made. Refuse to mention the fact that you haven’t had any sleep all day because the baby kept you all night. In this case, refrain from being like Nike. Just don’t.
Validate The Accuracy
- Nothing sends the Train of Communication barreling towards the Abyss of Miscommunication like activating the “Switch of Misunderstanding”. Want to know how to avoid this? Simply add these three words to the voiced inquiry from above: “Is that right?” The response to our example in full would read, “You would like for me to help you fold the duvet. Is that right?” Honor the speaker’s effort to communicate with you by checking to see that you actually heard the correct message from the beginning. If you both willingly practice this method of communicating over and over again, you will attune your ears and hearts to each other thereby minimizing or even eliminating unnecessary arguments.
Bonus Tip: Develop Self-Awareness
- One of the talents that humans have is the ability to continue to move forward. While this is definitely a positive attribute that allows us to endure and persevere through trauma, it can also work against us as well. Many people believe that the ability to push through pain means that they’ve also resolved it. However, what really happens is that that pain, its origins, its trajectory, and the fact that it remains unresolved is stored within our minds and bodies.
- Like a poorly packaged bundle of clothing, every time we are triggered by someone or something, the bundle that most resembles the trigger tumbles forward and is activated within our minds. This occurs within seconds of being triggered. For moments to months to years, we can find ourselves defending against a present circumstance that reminds us of a painful past experience. When this occurs during conversations, it steals powerful opportunities to problem resolve. Moreover, it keeps us stuck in a never-ending cycle of feeling angry, sad, powerless, and misunderstood. Perhaps the best way you can avoid misinterpreting a message from your spouse is to be aware of your own triggers. Communicate those triggers at a time when neither you nor your partner are triggered.
Crisis Averted
No matter what happens, always remember, it is well within your realm of control to decide on how you want to end a conversation with your spouse or partner. Remember that before you begin dialogue with your spouse about important issues, it can end in a night of passionate lovemaking, watching a movie, or taking a stroll around the neighborhood, is better than the alternative. It can also end in anger, tears, and the silent treatment. The choice is yours.
Missed the first half of this blog? Don’t worry. You can check it out here:
