Believe it or not ladies, it’s hard out here for men. It’s no surprise that among the many things that a man struggles with the ability to communicate is a top one. However, at times we can be a major hindrance as well. Below are ways you can make your partner feel more comfortable about communicating.
Respect His Leadership
There is nothing wrong with a woman having a voice in her own marriage. However, it may come as a surprise that husbands yearn to demonstrate their trustworthiness, care, and competence. This is because in some ways, he is still like a little boy with a great desire to be affirmed, encouraged, and appreciated. As long as he is willing to do so responsibly, respect his leadership. Furthermore, if he makes a mistake, then offer him the same amount of grace, mercy, and forgiveness, you would yourself. Think about it. How do you respond to yourself when you make a mistake?
Listen to Him
Women are avid communicators, but part of communicating is listening. In listening, we communicate that we’re present, open, and that we value the speaker. When women talk, we tend to talk all over each other. Because women do well at multitasking, somehow, we’re able to talk and listen almost simultaneously. Men, oftentimes have a lot to say, but immediately become silent if a woman interrupts them. Treat every word that a man expresses to you as if it is a pearl. At the end of it, you will more than likely have attained something truly invaluable.
Hear Him Out
Along the same lines as the former tip, it can be a challenge to listen to your man in the heat of an argument. Unfortunately, cutting him off, talking over him, and/or yelling and screaming are all too commonplace with most couples. Even rarer is the possibility that your husband will repeatedly open up to express himself if those behaviors continue. After a while, he will become quieter and more resentful. Without realizing it, you may find yourself as roommates or silently co-parenting next to each other. Furthermore, you may not even notice the downgrade until something as huge as an affair occurs.
Empathize and Validate His Feelings
You wouldn’t believe how difficult it is for us women to empathize with our partners. That’s because we often compare our experiences starting with the woes of pregnancy labor to wrestling a bra and wearing heels to every challenge a man faces. In our eyes, no man’s experience will ever be worse than our own. However, by failing to listen to their feelings and minimizing them, men are left with choosing to suppress, explode, internalize, or confide in an outside source.
Moreover, most people often make the mistake of believing that to validate a person’s feelings means that you agree with them as well. That is not the case. One of Google’s definitions of validation means to “recognize or affirm the validity or worth of a person or their feelings or opinions; cause a person to feel worthwhile.” Ladies, when is the last time you made your man feel worthwhile? We can often believe that we are doing that when we aren’t. Purposefully increase your awareness. Prioritize it the same way you would when caring for your children, talking to your mother, or putting on your make up.
Avoid Redirecting the Conversation Back To You
We all have at least one. Heck, maybe you’re “the ONE.” You know that girlfriend, mom, or sister you have that redirects every topic back to herself. It might be her family, job, or the latest material thing she overspent on herself. Isn’t she just annoying? Don’t you just wound up feeling as if you’ve just screamed your entire day into the wind? We do that to our husbands as well. If they know their wives well, men usually shut up, sit there, and nod their head. Not only is this behavior rude, but it’s extremely arrogant, controlling, and inconsiderate. Refraining from this bad habit is a great way to practice self-control, discipline, awareness, and patience. Learn to make supportive statements to confirm that you hear him so that he will feel less alone.
Bonus
When all else fails, or in the midst of working to improve yourself, give him sex. It may seem like that’s all men ever want and/or are focused on. In actuality, as a baby feels close to his/her mom during breastfeeding, men use sex to feel bonded and attached to their wives. Contrary to popular belief, many men do care about pleasing their wives. Make this time flirty. Dress up for the part, and create a whole new version just for you two. Remember that intimacy is a two-way street. Even when you’re in the sheets, communicate your needs to him, and then remember to listen attentively when he communicates his own.
Wanting to do more reading? Check out these books for you and your partner:
