Have you ever wondered, “Wait! Could I be a narcissist too” or “What kind of person attracts a narcissist?” If so, you may not like the answer, because it all begins in childhood.
Absorbing Our Environment
Believe it or not, even though you may not meet the diagnostic criteria for being a narcissist, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have some narcissistic traits. It is highly probable that the earliest adults in your life, namely at least one parent or caregiver were narcissistic. Furthermore, you, likely absorbed some of their personality traits as well.
Family dynamics encompass spoken and unspoken rules, behavioral patterns, boundaries, and belief systems, which govern family dynamics. Unconscious to the child, every child absorbs some family characteristics. Furthermore, because a child is part of his/her environment, the environment will always be part of the child no matter the age, education level, economic status, or geographical location.
The Reasons We Accept
When you absorb something, it means that you accept it as well. Narcissistic parents often respond unfavorably when held accountable for their misbehaviors and/or flaws. Because of this, many children learn to accept these misbehaviors in order to survive. As adults, many people may continue to accept their parent’s behaviors to “keep the peace” at holiday and family gatherings. It may also be the only way to feel any kind of love, attention or sense of closeness from their narcissistic parents. Nevertheless, accepting these misbehaviors can oftentimes feel a lot like walking on eggshells.
What We Adopt
With absorption and acceptance comes adoption of some aspects of your family as well. In a narcissistic family, adopting certain family characteristics means you not only possess them but also put them to use. This means you enact or model them. These characteristics may include but are not limited to having high self-esteem, being very proud of one’s possessions, and the desire to make a good impression on others. In balance, the latter characteristics are all great qualities to have. However, if imbalanced, these same characteristics tend to make our relationships rocky, and at times make others feel alienated.
Putting Part 1 Together
As a child grows up in his/her family, he or she absorbs, adopts, and accepts a set of family characteristics. These characteristics are accepted unquestionably and absorbed unconsciously. With enough self-awareness missing, we can have blind spots. Blind spots do not allow us to see the impact we have on others. We also cannot see certain aspects of ourselves. Therefore, non-narcissistic people can have many of the same traits as classically, narcissistic people.
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